One of the first things to decide when creating a child custody agreement is if you and your ex spouse are going to have a joint custody agreement. A joint custody agreement, also called a shared custody agreement, means that parents share the responsibility to make decisions for their child. There is joint physical custody, where the child has two residences and physically lives with both parents. There is also joint legal custody, where the child may only live with one parent, but both parents make major decisions about the child together (like, where the child will go to school, what religion the child will belong to, etc). Many parents choose to have a joint custody agreement for the best interest of their child. They realize that in a shared custody agreement the child has access to both parents and that benefits the child. After choosing to have a joint custody agreement, there are some things a wise parent can do to make it work out.
It is important to maintain an attitude of cooperation about your shared custody situation. Regardless of how you feel about your ex, you are going to need to work together for the benefit of your child. Be fair about the schedule you create and don't try to get revenge on your ex through your child. That isn't fair to the child and complicates the situation. Focus on doing what is best for your child. It is especially important to do this even if you feel that you ex isn't being cooperative. Be as objective about the process as you can so that you can set up a positive agreement. It may not be possible to completely do away with the animosity, but try to take it out of this sphere, for the sake of your child.
Something that is helpful for a joint custody agreement, and can also help the parents work together, is to have clear, specific documents about your custody agreement. Print out calendars with the schedules on them and give copies to your ex. Shared parenting agreements can mean a lot of shuttling around for the child--so you need to have the calendar well laid out so both parents and the children know what's going on. When creating your schedule and calendar, try to be fair about the time with each parent, but also take into consideration the needs of your child. Some children will need more stability than others. Incorporate that into your schedule. You may want to investigate some of the child custody software programs that are available. You can get a program that allows you to easily create the custom calendar that's right for you and your child and then you can print it off and hand out copies.
It's also important to document the guidelines and stipulations you want to include in the custody agreement. Make up clear documents of your stipulations (for example, maybe you don't want your ex to be able to get the child a passport without your knowledge, or maybe you don't want guns stored in the house where your child is living) to give to the court and to your ex. If possible, work together with your ex to come up with guidelines about how your child will be raised. If you ex is uncooperative about these guidelines, come up with them yourself and add them to the agreement. Then you can be sure that the things that are important to you will be backed by the court. There are also software programs that allow you to add these stipulations to your custody agreement.
Parents who choose to have joint custody over there children are committing to work together for the sake of their child. Although it may be difficult at times, it is entirely doable if both parties work at it. Don't get discouraged and know that all of your efforts will pay off in the end. You'll be able to enjoy a great relationship with your child, and your child will benefit by having their other parent in their life.
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